Be Who You Desire

Jumping back into the dating game can really be pretty awful, not to mention very damaging to your self esteem. Seriously, it seems that men on these dating sites are no different than they were in high school. But here is a big difference…now, everything is online. They can say horrible things and there are really no repercussions except, well, you can block them. It can be pretty disheartening when the pick up line you get is “Hey! You wanna fuck!” and that is not on Tinder. Believe me, the guys on Match were no better. but let’s go back to this amazing pick up line. At first, I didnt want to be rude to anyone. With a pickup line like that, I usually responded with something like “Sorry, that’s not what I am looking for, but good luck to you.” Many times I was hit back with a response that attacked my physical appearance. You hear that enough, even from men who have never even met you, it can be damaging. I would look at my pictures and wonder what was wrong with me.

So how do I have confidence when I am letting others bring me down? It is so easy to say we have the power to make ourselves happy and to be confident in ourselves. However, as a 40 something year old woman who goes to sleep and wakes up next to my dog every morning, it is a challenge to not feel like I am always going to fall asleep and wake up on my own every morning. Sometimes, the thought of a quick hook up sounds very appealing, just to have that touch that I have been missing. The idea of settling for someone with whom I have nothing in common sounded better and better, just so a piece of my heart doesn’t feel empty.

Here is what I do know about me. I don’t want to settle. I am at the point in my life where I know some of what I am looking for. It is still evolving, but I am on track to finding it. But what I also know is that to find what I am looking for I need to feel desirable. I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. But I do want to have the attitude, when I look in the mirror, of “Damn girl! Look at you! I would totally do you.” This is not about getting to the proper weight or having a different appearance. This is a mindset. For me, yes, going to the gym helps. But it isn’t my weight as much as when I walk out, having completed a tough workout, my head is high and I am proud of myself and I have a smile on my face. That is confidence.

So here is what I have figured out. Those guys who are looking for a hookup, well if you turn them down and they come back with something hurtful, just remember, they approached you first. You were desirable to them. They were just angry about the rejection. Keep moving forward and find what makes you feel like you are desirable.

Let me tell you what I did yesterday. I got my nails done for the first time in a couple of years. I am extremely careful about spending money, so nails is not at the top of my list. I got bright red. How much fun is that! I came home and took a selfie for myself. Totally topless, with my beautiful nails covering my breasts. I know, TMI. But I absolutely love the picture! It was playful and fun. I look at the picture and say “Damn I am hot!” It’s the mindset. People see us and like us, when we don’t necessarily like who we are. Imagine how much more desirable we will look to others if we walk around owning our hotness.

I don’t look any different today than I did yesterday, but my nails are fucking hot and I am owning it!

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