Back in the Saddle

Let’s talk dating. I’m not sure which word to use; fun or awful. Probably both. I always swore I woud never do online dating. But let’s face it…I work at a domestic violence shelter. I’m pretty sure I won’t be meeting too many people I want to date. So, online it was. I first started a profile about 7 months after my separation. My girlfriend and I did our profiles together. It was a fun evening, however, I woke up the next morning and felt so ashamed. I felt like I was cheating, doing something wrong. I realized I just wasn’t ready. I immediately took my profile down.

Fast forward another 5 months. I was a year into my separation and working on the divorce process. I decided to try again with a profile. I built my profile. It felt so superficial. How can I possibly show someone who I really am this way? And the profile pictures! I hate taking selfies. Anyway, my profile was up. Now what? Swipe left, swipe right. Do I message someone or wait for someone to message me. My last first date was in 1991. 25 years later, I have to figure this out. Last time I dated I was in high school. I’ve got this.

Later that evening, I received my first message. I was thrilled. I opened it up…he was 21. The message, “I know I`m young, but how would feel about having six feet of dark chocolate in front of you?” Ummmmm, height and race are not the issue buddy. You’re only a couple years older than my son. Not quite ready to take a trip to cougar town.

I got a couple other messages and talked to a few people. There are so many scammer to sift through. Men that are ready to marry you tomorrow. There are two main types of men on these sites (I can’t speak for women on the sites so men, feel free to speak up and share in the comments), the scammers and the douchebags. They want your money or they want your pussy (sorry for the language, but it’s their favorite word and they are not afraid toss it around). These men, make us very wary of the nice guys.

I finally decided, what the hell. Just set up the first date and get it over with. I really didn’t want my first date to be with someone I thought I might really like. I know that is wrong, but what if I really liked him but I felt guilty. I didn’t want to ruin anything. Enter McLovin. Yep. My first date with with a man that looked just like McLovin in Superbad.

Okay, he was in my age range. But this is who my date looked like. We met at Starbucks and it went exactly as I thought. I could not wait to get out of there. But I jumped my first hurdle. I didn’t feel guilty and I found myself looking forward to meeting and connecting with people.

Dating can be interesting. Sometimes you just don’t know how to respond to a situation. On one date, when the food arrived, he pulled a tooth out. He said, “I hope you don’t mind.” What am I supposed to say. I really don’t think I needed to say much as he watched me pick up my jaw. Another somehow got the idea I might find him attractive during our date by telling me he lived with his dad, had no job and his entire world sucked, and had no money to pay for his meal. Yet, in the parking lot he turned to me with closed eyes and a snake tongue coming out of his puckered lips. “Yeah, I don’t kiss on the first date.” At least, I wasn’t kissing him on a first date. Did I tell you about the great first date who ruined it by sending me a dick pic as soon as I got in my car.

This leads me to those pictures. Seriously, don’t send them unless we ask for them. Or at least warn a girl first. I don’t want to open up an unexpected picture in the middle of a restaurant. If I do, I’m going to announce your name and share your face pic too. Anyway, I learned quickly to not give my phone number to everyone. I can’t express enough how we tend to feel about unsolicited pictures. So here you go. Enjoy. Warning: it’s crude so watch at your own risk.

So, back to dating. It has it’s ups and downs. You get ghosted a lot and it can mess with your head. People can be rude. I don’t want to say men can be rude, because I have no doubt it can go both ways. But, through this process, I have learned so much about myself (that’s an entirely different blog, that I’m not quite sure I’m ready to share yet). But I have learned you can’t force anything, and you have to really know who you are and what you want, before you are able to find a lifetime relationship. In the meantime, sit back, swipe right, and enjoy the ride (and you can take that very last part any way you’d like, it’s your journey). You never know, your next first date could be your last first date, and that is pretty exciting.

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