Life is not a Spectator Sport

I have not posted in so long. I have been adjusting to a wonderful new way of life with my new job. I keep so busy during the day. It goes incredibly fast, and I am having such amazing experiences. And the best part is that when work is over, I am done working for the day. For the first time in 11 years, I am sleeping with my phone on vibrate. This is what it feels like to sleep in peace. The other wonderful part about my new job is that I can walk to work. It’s a great way to start and end the day.

So, I’m settling into work and settling into my new chapter and it’s May. This is the month I look forward to so much. The kids come home from college. I love having them home. And, even better, they seem happy to be spending time with me. But…yes, there is a but…when they tell me they don’t know which days they will be at my house, but they will just come over, well, that’s when I hear the needle slide off the vinyl and the lovely music come to a screeching halt. Yes, I am a single woman, however, I don’t rememer joining a convent. In fact, I might be struck by lightning if I tried.

So how do I tell my kids they are welcome MOST anytime, but maybe not all the time. I want my house to be open to them, however, I want to avoid any awkward situations. So, here’s the deal. My kids are in college. They are both adults. It’s going to be an awkward conversation, but much less awkward than having to put a sock on the door.

The rules have been discussed, and I am pretty sure they are good with it. Let’s make a plan for the week, so I can make my weekly plans (dates, girls’ nights out, etc). If you want to come over between those times, fantastic!!!!! But call first. If I don’t answer and my car is there, check the glass front door. If it’s locked…walk away. I have blocked you from getting to the door where there is a key. There’s a reason for that. Let’s not have an awkward moment. If my car is gone and that door is unlocked, come on in. This house is meant to feel like home. I want them to feel at home here. But, I have also gotten used to a life of living on my own.

This has been causing some anxiety for a while now. I wasn’t sure how the discussions would go. But they went well and I believe the kids understand. Without thinking about too much of what I have said to them, I think they are happy that I am so comfortable with myself, that I can be open with them. That I have a social life. I love that I can be open with them. And that they know just how much I love them and completely enjoy all the time I have with them. But they also respect that there are times that I will need to ask for some space also. Our relationship has grown so much, even in this past year.

It’s funny. A Facebook memory recently popped up and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The post was about my kids running a fun run and my ex running a marathon. The last sentence in my post was,” Me, I was an AWESOME spectator!!!!!!” I read that sentence over and over again. Why the hell was I so proud of being an awesome spectator. That was my role when I was married. I chose to support everyone else and leave my needs on the back burner. So, with my kids home, I will still be a participant in my life. I cannot always wait for their schedule. I am a participant in my own life, and if that means having awkward conversations with the kiddos so they understand that I am living life, well, so be it. Life should never be a spectator sport!

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