Category: Motherhood

Freedom in Love

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

There’s a great quote by Thich Nhat Hanh, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” I love that. Love should never make someone feel trapped. Whether that love is romantic, family, or friends, the people you love should feel free.

Free love is confidence. It’s honesty. It’s strength. It’s hard. But it’s the most powerful love, that someone is free, yet chooses to love you. To understand giving someone the freedom to love you, we must first understand what we do to take away that freedom.

I have been passive aggressive. I’ve thrown little jabs, just to be petty. It’s manipulative and just brings the ones you love down. They start to feel angry and resentful and they become tied up in knots.

Word games are the worst. My favorite words used to be “I’m fine.” I would say it when I was not fine at all. But, if people didn’t try to come and help me, I would be hurt because they failed me. If you feel something, or if you need something, say it out loud, to the ones you love. People are not mind readers, and should not be expected to know what you need.

Guilt…I’ve done it. Tried making people feel guilty for not wanting to be with me. Well, that is a sure way to make someone feel trapped. If you are upset that someone may not want to do something with you, speak your truth in a healthy way. Don’t use guilt to force them. It’s not authentic, if they really didn’t want to be there anyway.

So, what does loving someone so they feel free look like? It is honesty. Say what your feeling, ask how the other person is feeling. Work through those together without blame. Know that there may not be blame. Sometimes, you may find the feelings are misunderstandings. If you need something, ask for it. Don’t assume the person will know, and defintely don’t be angry because they didn’t figure it out.

We must understand that we do not possess other people. So, when I say “my kids” or “my boyfriend” I don’t say it because they belong to me. I trust that they love me, that they want to spend time with me. That doesn’t mean they cannot spend time away from me. When my kids chose to spend time with their dad, I think it’s great that they have a good relationship with him. When my boyfriend leaves for a golf week with the guys, I love that he has some time away with his friends. I don’t feel hurt. I know the kids love me. While the time we have is limited, it is always quality time, and I soak it all in. My boyfriend and I spend so much time together. When he can get out with his friends, I love that for him. It’s the same with friends and family. I have learned it is not rejection if I ask someone to do something and they can’t. I know the people around me love me, and they are free to have other friends and other interests.

If someone doesn’t make me feel free to be me, or if they really don’t want to spend time with me, it doesn’t matter if I love them. I must be strong enough to let them go…let them be free to walk away. After all, I really don’t want to be with anyone that does not give me autonomy, nor do I want to be with someone that doesn’t choose to be with me.

So, when someone feels free in your love, their love is powerful. They love without resentment. They love without fear. And, most importantly, they are with you because it’s a choice, not out of guilt or duty. Being loved just because someone loves you for who you are, is the absolute best!!!!!

Blending

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Life is a roller coaster.  Nothing is ever the same.  One moment, you’re enjoying vacations with your family, the next, your divorced, then you learn to love yourself and be completely content with living life with your family and friends and knowing you are not alone, even without a significant other.  And then, you meet someone, unexpectedly.  Life is filled with twists and turns, and sometimes even a loop-de-loop.  I have learned to raise my hands high and enjoy the roller coaster. 

So let’s chat about blended families.  Most of my girlfriends have younger kids.  The decision to introduce someone to the kids is huge, and you want to be careful with the kiddos of who you introduce.   With older kids, it’s a bit different.  My kids are only home during college breaks and the summer.  I really didn’t have to worry too much about introductions for a while.  But, one day, my daughter met him on accident.  He was trying to get out the door before she got home, but we were just enjoying chatting and lost track of time.  They met briefly.  It took a long time for me to really let him in and have her join us for dinner.  But once the meetings were intentional, I knew I had really let my walls down. 

I met his son too.  When he allowed us to meet, I knew he was letting his walls down too.  The intention of introductions to your kids feels huge.  There is the idea that you are that important that they want to share you with the most important people in their life.  Eventually, he met my son and I met his daughter.  Let the blending begin. 

When he moved in, he gave me phone numbers for his kids and his sisters, for emergencies.  I did the same for him.  I was really careful to not use them.  Blending and introducing young kids, I’m sure is super scary and challenging.  You have questions such is discipline and when to have sleep overs and leaving kids alone with the significant other and telling the other parent.  But, it’s difficult with adult children also.  Our kids have been so accepting.  That has not been a challenge at all.  We are both so fortunate to have children that want nothing more than to see their parents happy.  I love that about my kids and I love that about his kids.  But, my kids have a step mom (I have written about steps before), and she has never stepped on my toes as a mom.  Our kids are adults and they all have both their parents.  His kids have a mom.  My kids have a dad.  The challenge is to make sure the kids know you are not there to replace anyone.

I am someone who is in their lives because I love their dad to bits.  The three of us have a common desire, and that is to see their dad happy and smiling.  For that, I am so grateful to them.  I have no intentions of stepping on their toes.  I don’t need to be a mother to them.  They have a mom.  I would never want to replace that.  Just as I would never want someone to step in and replace me as a mom.  I will be there for them and be excited for their successes and want to support them through challenges, but when it comes to advice, I am here if they want it, but will never push anything on them. 

Meeting family has been amazing also.  My family has welcomed him with open arms.  They had been dying to meet the man that has put a smile on my face and allowed me to be completely myself.  It’s always scary introducing someone to the family.  But they love that he makes me happy. 

A month ago I went with him and his daughter and grandson to meet his sisters.  They were so completely welcoming.  They loved seeing their brother happy.  And to hear him talk about me, about the little notes I hide for him every morning, they could see his face light up.  His sisters and their families are amazing.  I loved hearing about their parents and growing up.  They pulled out family albums.  I just felt like I belonged.  We went to celebrate their father’s birthday.  The first birthday since he passed away.  I wanted to make sure I was respectful of that.  I stepped back from family pictures, so they could have their family moments.  They pulled me right in anyway. Blending…

Our families have not met, but we continue to grow together as a family unit. We continue to blend and I am loving every moment of it. I look forward to building relationships with his family and watching him build relationships with mine.

Chuck it in the F@$k It Bucket

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Learning to let go of things that are not meant to be, is one of the most freeing things someone can do.  I was just catching up on FB and read a post by one of my friends.  Her journey of single life started around the same time mine did.  Our journeys are different, but it still resonated with me.  It was a time of reflection.  Exactly what did I chuck in the f@k it bucket.  What are the challenges I faced?  What have I accomplished?

That list is pretty extensive.  It’s a list I am so proud of.   The last 6 years have been such a test for me.  I had never lived on my own before.  I had never really dealt with “grown up” bills on my own. I was fortunate enough to never have needed to work at more than one job, until I lived on my own. At one time, I worked 3 jobs at a time. I had never been on a plane that went over the ocean. I had never made a long road trip on my own with the kids. And I had never realized it was okay to stop putting everyone else first for fear they wouldn’t like me anymore.  And I never thought I would ever, ever, ever, let anyone into my heart, much less my home and my family again. These are some of my greatest challenges, that have turned into some amazing accomplishments. 

I realized I was living a life of fear.  Fear of failure, fear of dying, fear of not being liked, fear of failing.  I was carrying a huge load on my shoulders. Most of us do.  It was time to lighten that load. 

As with many divorces, I had to move.  I live in a pretty expensive county and rent, on my private non-profit salary would have been unaffordable.  Leaving the area was not an option.  My kids are here.  My parents and my sister are here.  That’s my support.  With a lot of help from my superstar mom, I was able to purchase home.  And let me tell you, I love my home.  It’s the perfect size, in the perfect  location.

Bills. Ooooof. No fun at all. I didn’t know what was in our bank account. I had to open my own, to start separating things. It was scary. Taking over bills was not the scariest part. At first, they were split based off income. But, once the house was sold, all my bills were my responsibility. F@!ck it! Let’s do this. Face it head on.

When the kids were born, I quit my job and stayed home with them. I wanted to do that. It was something my mom did for my sister and I and I wanted, and had the luxury to be able to do it, Don’t get me wrong. When I say luxury, that, by no means, means it was a cake walk. It was hard. One of the hardest things in the world. But I never regreted it.

When my youngest started school full time I decided to volunteer for a local non-profit. I never had a clue it would lead me into a job that would be a huge part of my life and a source of strength, for the next 11 years. I had always thought I wouldn’t be able to go back to work. I never got my master’s degree. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anything. But this job, was huge for me. When I moved to my new home, I could afford it, but being single and making friends means going out to meet people. That isn’t always cheap. I met someone that helped me get a job at a local distillery. What fun that was. I met so many new people I learned how to mix some delicious drinks. And I had a blast. But, a friend that had worked at the distillery started running the restaurant at a local golf course and needed help. So I became a cart girl at the course. 7 days a week, I worked, Did I mention my first job was sort of 24/7. I would get calls at all hours and took on call shifts on a regular basis. But, for one summer, I said f@!ck it, I need money to have some fun. So I worked 3 jobs, 7 days a week. It wore me down. Finally, despite knowing I was letting a good friend down, I had to say f@!ck it. I can’t do this anymore. I realized I had to focus on myself. I knew finding someone would not make her life easier and I was really frightened she would be upset with me. Not because she is likee that at all, but because that’s my fear. Letting someone down and them not liking me anymore. But guess what. She definitely still likes me and we are still friends and I adore her.

Did I ever mention a huge fear of flying? When I was married, we had an RV and travelled cross country. If I knew I had to get on a plane, I would have anxiety attacks for months. So, post divorce, my daughter’s flute choir planned a trip to tour the Tuscan region of Italy. F@!ck it! I am getting on a damn plane and flying across the ocean…not just with my daughter, but also with my sister. What an amazing trip. I have blogged about it, so I won’t go into details. But the experience I had, just by letting shit go. What’s next with international travel? I have my fingers crossed for some hiking in the mountains of Austria.

When I first got separated, my daughter’s flute choir was traveling to Orlando to play at Universal. We had all been planning to go, but it turned into me going with the kids and one of my son’s best friends. I said f@ck it. We drove to Disney first, then travelled to Universal. That was a trip I never would have thought I could have done by myself. My son and his friend drove a couple of hours, but I did most of the driving and it was so empowering. To do the parks and the drive with the kids was amazing.

Learning to say what I need to say, and not worry about whether it will make someone not like me has been one of my greatest challenges. I had to fall in love with myself to be able to see what kind of person I am and to be able to let go of people, if they couldn’t accept me for who I am. So…f@!ck it. Here I am. If you don’t like it, you can walk away at any time. If you don’t treat me well, I can walk away at any time. In these last several years I have found that I had an amazing foundation of a support system with my family and a few friends. And then I built onto that foundation with some equally amazing friends. I am surrounded with people who love me for who I am. Whe treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I’ll be honest, some of them don’t always say the easy things. I don’t always like what they say. But they always help me grow. They always encourage me to continue on my path of loving myself.

I dated for a while. Hated it. The dating world sucks. I had learned to live on my own and I found that no one was worthy of letting in. One guy mentioned moving in. I said no and he lost it. F@!ck it! That was scary. So long. So, I stopped looking. Then, one day, a random person completely changed my world. Well not at first. Walls were up. I had someone to hang out with. That enjoyed the same things as me. I told my girlfriends, he’s in a box. He was not going to overflow into my life. After a few months, my girls would laugh when I mentioned the box. It was a super flimsy box. But I spent a lot of time protecting myself. Protecting my heart. But the effort he put into us, just floored me. So, guess what…FUCK IT! Welcome to my heart, welcome to my home, welcome to my family.

Chucking my fears in the f@!ck it bucket has completely opened up my world. I still have fear. Sometimes it gets the best of me. But it is no longer the driving force in my life. Living my best life is the driving force now. It doesn’t come without risks. I know that. I don’t expect my life to be perfect. There are going to be some really hard things in life. In fact, there are challenging, scary things now. But I have the strength, the self-love, and the support to know that I can get through anything life throws at me,

Steps…Hard Work but Beautiful Views

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever climbed the steps to the top of a lighthouse? It is really tough climbing those steps. But when you get to the top, the views are beautiful. But those are not the steps I am writing about today.

Most of my girlfriends are divorced. The idea of their exes bringing a new woman into the lives of their children is scary. Every experience is different, but I can share mine…

I can remember when I came to terms with the fact that this new person was in my ex’s life, and would be in my kids’ lives. I can’t lie. I was angry, hurt, scared. How is it fair that some stranger gets to spend half of my kids’ lives with them? I am their mom. It is unfair that I only see them half the time. I was hurt that my kids accepted her into their lives. I was scared they would love her more, and forget I was their mom. Reality has a way of slapping you in the face.

I can also remember when she first started coming to watch my kids play sports. It was the hardest thing in the world. I would sit in the bleachers, quietly, with tears in my eyes. When my daughter would look up to her, in the stands, my heart sank. I felt like I was losing her. Like my fears were becoming reality.

My daughter started coming to the house with cute new clothes. Was she taking her shopping? It broke my heart to think another woman was taking on a maternal role for my kids. It was probably the scariest thing I have ever faced.

My first step to acceptance, being grateful that she was coming to support my kids in their sports. She must like my kids to bring her very young daughter out, close to bed time, to support my kids. My daughter, looking at her in the stands, means my daughter feels loved. It was a step forward.

But then my daughter said it…she called her her stepmom (they weren’t even married yet), and she called her daughter, her sister. Honestly speaking, those words were so hard to hear. The fear started sinking in again. I mean, the word mom is in stepmom, so I was being replaced, right? My insecurities said yes. It was time to regroup.

I had to step back and realize, I was in rough shape. I wasn’t capbable of having a meaningful relationship. It was clear in my insecurites when dating. All my baggage was stopping me from opening up to anyone. It was the same with my kids. My insecurity was toxic. I cried a lot. My kids had a hard time seeing me so unhappy. It was never supposed to be their job to make me happy. That was something only I could do.

At the time, I relied so much on my parents and my sister and her family. I really didn’t have anyone else. I had friends at work who I could talk with openly, but when I did talk, I would cry, and that was not condusive for working. So, I found some girlfriends…nope, a tribe. A group of other divorced women who were going through or had been through this. These friendships were so fulfilling. They brought happiness to my life. I had to step out of my comfort zone to meet them and I had to open my heart to trust them. But the reward was true happiness. I became a different person….

I became a person my kids felt comfortable to be around again. I become fun. I smiled, I laughed. By this time, my kids were both in college. But I could look back and see, I never lost them. They never replaced me. What I learned was that they did not have to replace me. Someone new was brought into their lives who respected me, as their mother. I can remember my daughter’s graduation party. Her little sister was so excited to meet her mom. Kids are funny. They can’t pretend. So, when she was so excited to meet me, and gave me an adoring look, my heart melted. All this fear of being replaced was silly. Not only was I not being replaced, but I was very much a part of my daughter’s life and the life of her sister. Not because she knew who I was, but because I was a special place where her big sister would go for a few nights. And the look she gave me, told me she felt it was a happy place. It felt pretty special.

When my daughter was struggling, emotionally, with her Lyme, it was her stepmom that had connections in State College to get her the help she needed. The reality was, my kids didn’t just have someone new around them. They had her, her daughter and family and friends around them. More people to love my kids. More people to look out for them. And I am so grateful to her for what she has given to them.

I have had friends that are in the same boat as I am. Thrilled for the kids to have someone new in their lives that loves them. Others are still coming to terms with it and still frightened. The climb up those steps is a long hard climb, but if the steps are right and you can figure out how to get to the top, believe me, those Steps can lead to something beautiful.

Unconditional Love…No Strings Attached

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Those words…I think everyone longs to have that unconditional love.  But what does it mean to give it?  What does it mean to love someone so much that nothing can make you stop loving them?

I will never be able to say that I love perfectly.  But, unconditional love…many of us do that every day.  And it’s hard, when you love someone that can’t seem to receive it most of the time.  When you love someone that seems to dismiss the love you give.  Who doesn’t realize that the pain doesn’t come from horrible words spoken.  It comes from being dismissed.  It comes from using the things you love as weapons.  There are highs, when the love you give is received and even reciprocated for a brief moment.  But then, the you get kicked again. 

My hope is that my unconditional love is known and that I am the safe person.  Able to dismiss because the love I give will always be there.  I need to be dismissed, because the need to impress others, fight for the love of others is the most important thing right now.  Or maybe only one side of the story is known, and because I won’t share my side, there is anger. 

But the thing with unconditional love is that you can give it, but you don’t have to lie down and take the hurt.  You can stand up for yourself.  You can dish out tough love, let them know you are hurt.  Be willing for them to walk away.  And, through that pain, you can still find that sparkle.

Why is sparkle so important?  Well, that’s the source for unconditional love.  If you don’t sparkle, it is going to be so hard to not be a victim, but to accept the circumstances and try not to take it personally.  I can be kind, yet firm. At the end of the day, no matter how far gone, I will always be here to give you love, when you are ready to receive it, and to accept your love, when you are ready to give it. So, I won’t ask to spend time with you, not because I don’t want to see you (I have tried asking), but because I am tired of the rejection. I won’t call or text to see how your day was, because there is never usually a response. But, will message you every day to tell you I love you. I won’t expect much, as I have learned that only gets me hurt. But it is more so you know that when you are ready to give and receive love, I will still be here. I have always been here. I have always loved you, even though sometimes it has been from afar. I will always love you.

Always Look For the Silver Lining

~ Diana Prince

Have you ever had a cart full of groceries you had to leave because your debit card was declined?

My son is home for Spring Break. I haven’t seen him since Winter Break. He offered to cook me dinner, and, after a long day at work, I was more than happy for us to go to the grocery store and get food for he and his girlfriend to cook. And to pick up some other needed items for the week. I was so excited.

Imagine my surprise when I ran my card and it was declined. What????? Okay, maybe I hit the wrong pin number. Second try, declined. I searched my purse for my debit card for my other account. Not in my purse. I could feel the pit in my stomach. The embarassment, not from the people in the store. I could care less about that. But my son is watching me and my card is declined and I have no way to pay for a dinner he was excited to cook. I have no way to pay for the bread in my basket. I have never pretended like I am loaded with money. But this was totally unexpected.

When we left, I checked my bank accounts. I had more than enough to pay for my groceries. I don’t understand. So, we decided to go to a different store. I have $20 cash. So, the goal was to pick up enough food to make dinner for 3 with $20 or less. We did it for $16. And guess what. My card was declined again. I couldn’t control the tears. As I went to get all the money I had access to, my son popped his debit card into the machine and paid for the groceries. My pride was crushed. I was mortified that my son had to bail me out of that situation.

When we got home, I went straight up to my room and cried. And looked at my bank account (still enough money). I was too ashamed to look at my son. As I sat on my bed, I decided I needed to throw my pride out the window…rewrite the events of the afternoon.

I was so excited to spend the evening with my son and his girlfriend. They decided to cook dinner for me this evening. The work day was a tough one, so I was thrilled to accept the wonderful gesture. So, I offered to take my son grocery shopping. We had had a nice drive over, chatting and catching up on how school has been for him. At the store, we got the food he wanted to cook, along with some snacks and some staples for the house. I can be a little lazy and hadn’t been grocery shopping in over a week. Probably two weeks.

With a cart full, we went through the check out. My card was declined. How mortifying. I check my accounts daily and knew I had enough money. Clearly the issue is with the bank, not with me. But it was still embarrassing. It brought tears to my eyes. My son was looking with me as I rechecked my accounts. Yep. Plenty of money to pay for the groceries.

He piped in, “Let’s try a different store. Get something small and see if the card works. Maybe it’s just an issue at the store.” So we went to the next store. I had $20 cash. Now, we had a challenge. Can we feed 3 people tonight on $20 or less? My son was amazing! He decided we could find some things in my pantry, and we just got what we needed. Yes!!!! $16. Again, my card was declined. As I went to get the cash from purse, my son used his card and paid.

I was embarassed. My pride was hurt. But then I realized, while this was pretty dang embarrassing, I should be so completely proud of my son. I had the cash to cover it. We were not going to have them restock the food. Yet, he chose to help me. I needed to step back and accept his gift.

When he was a baby, I can remember thinking, “I cannot wait to meet the person he becomes.” I know what kind of man he has become. He is kind, he is caring and nurturing. But today, I witnessed it, I experienced it.

We got home. I had to take time to collect myself. When I came back down, dinner was cooking and the kids were busy in the kitchen chatting and laughing. My favorite noise ever. Not once did they make me feel awkward for the events.

So, while there are terrible or embarrassing things that happen to us along our road, we can always stop and rewrite our story. It’s the same story, just a different viewpoint. Once I did that, I was able to enjoy my night with the kids. Silver linings have a wonderful way of keeping the sparkle in our lives.

New Friends,Old Friends, Girl Friends, Boy Friends

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

I have learned that being in love doesn’t necessarily make us stronger, or even happier, but having love does. I don’t mean the kind you have from a significant other. I am talking about the love you have from true friendships. The kind that last a lifetime. The kind of friends that include family or feel like family. I didn’t realize I had some of these friends until a few years ago. Friends I grew up with that I still connect with. Friends I may not see or talk to every day, for whom I would drop everything for if they were in need. And they would do the same for me.

I recently had dinner with one of my best friends we have been together since she was born, three days after me. we see each other two or three times a year. and, get this, we live three or four miles away from each other. The truth is, life can get in the way. At dinner, she aplogized for being out of touch. My first thought was, “no need to apologize because I am just as guilty.” We are at different places in life. She is married and has kids at home. I am single and live alone. But that does not make me value our friendship any less. We do less things together, but the love has not changed. And when asked about my best friends growing up, her name always comes up. And my response following that is, “and she is till one of my very best friends.” She is one of those friends that when we get together, we pick right up where we left off. I have a few friends like that, whom I can pick right up with.

I just went camping with another of those friends. We went camping together last weekend. Not glamping, not with an air matress or portable gourmet kitchen. But good old fashioned camping. Sleeping on the ground, cooking on the fire, peeing in the woods and no shower. Yeah, didn’t shower for a day and a half. We played games by the fire, we saw a bear near the campsite, and we fought off yellow jackets. But the weekend was fun anyway. Well, except that I shared my sleeping bag with my 68 pound dog. I think I need to invest in a double sleeping bag so I can share with Marshall. It was amazing to spend the weekend with a friend that I talk to on almost a daily basis, but hardly get to see. We talked about our kids and life. He is one of those friends I have known since high school, but didn’t realize how important he would be in my life until a few years ago. We have seen each other through some tough break ups, tough times raising kids, and exciting times raising kids. We have cried a lot together. I am so grateful that we were able to really reconnect and grow such an amazing friendship.

I have written about my tribe before, but I have been truly blessed to have them in my life. These women came into my life in the last year or two and it’s as if they were always there. When FaceBook pops up and says, “It’s your Friendiversary” I am surprised when it says 1 year, or 2 years. How is that possible? I can’t picture my life withouth these women. There are very few days when we don’t talk. These are the women I turn to when something happens with dating, being a divorced mom or dealing with an ex. I turn to them for so much more, however, they are the ones that completely understand the trials and tribulations of being divorced and single again. We straighten each others’ crowns and speak the truth, even if it hurts sometimes. We do game nights and girls’ weekends. An impromptu text to have a quick lunch during the work day. People always say that the challenges in life are not a sprint, they are like running a marathon. You have to go slow and steady to maintain strength for the full run. These women, they help me sustain my strength. They give me strength. I hope I return that for them. When one of us needs strength, those of us that have it, give it willingly.

I cannot write about friends and people that give you strength without writing about my family. There is absolutely no way I would have gotten through all the things in my life without family. I am, without a doubt, loved beyond belief. I may not always deserve it, I may take it for granted, but I know it’s there and I do know just how blessed I am. My parents have helped me through a divorce, buying a new home, totalling a car, getting a new job, helping me with my dogs and thousands of little things around the house that add up to tons and tons of love. And let’s not forget two surgeries. My mom slept on a little chair after my last surgery so I wasn’t home alone. She helped me shower and had to help me take care of my incisions. Not a pretty job at all. While I may not always show how appreciative I am, I do know exactly how much they do for me and there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for them and that I don’t think about how much I love them. And my sister…She has no clue how strong she is. She has been this incredible rock for her family. At the same time as she was being so strong for her family at home, she was helping me through a divorce. She would come to my house late at night and soothe me as I cried myself to sleep. She and I have gone through very different challenges in our lives. I don’t pretend to understand what she has gone through. But I have seen how she has handled it. The grace with which she has handled it all. She has not been through the same challenges as me. But what she offers me is a listening ear. Not suggestions, not a knowledge of what I feel, but someone who accepts me for my challenges and supports me and just hears me. She is too humble to even see the impact she has had on so many lives. Girl, I know you’re reading this. The strength I have found, the strength your family has, it’s you.

I can’t talk about family without talking about my kiddos. So here’s the thing, when I realized divorce was the only option, I knew I wasn’t the only one that would go through it. My kids were going to have to go through it too. Their challenges were going to be very different from mine. I also knew I wouldn’t understand what they were going through. My parents are still together. What I did know, was that they were not going to be burdened with the challenges I faced from the divorce. I was not going to burden them with having to take sides. They should be able to love both me and their dad equally, without having to feel guilty or like they are hurting us. I never wanted them to feel as though they would need to be my rock through this difficult time. I needed to be their mom and love them and get them through their challenges. The kids didn’t talk much about the divorce. I didn’t force it and I tried to always make it clear that I was there for them no matter what. It took me a long time to really be able to look at my relationship with them and appreciate what I have. You see, teenagers are tough. Whether they are part of an intact family, a blended family, or with single parents, they present challenges because they are going through their own challenges, that they are not quite mature enough to handle all the time. I had to learn to not take everything personally. Now, I can gain strength from them too, and they don’t even realize it. When I get a first day of classes picture it melts my heart that they thought of me. When I get a surprise that one of them is home and wants to spend time with me. When they ask me to come to a college game to get that experience, I feel like a million bucks. The phone calls and text exchanges I have with my kids are becoming something I look forward to. I used to walk on eggshells being afraid to say the wrong thing. Now, I can let most things roll right off and not take it personally. I will say, my kids expressed to me a little over a year ago, that they wished I had opened up more to them about the divorce. I don’t know if it is because there dad was very open with them about his feelings, that they needed my “side” to balance it out so they didn’t feel pulled in one direction. I have stood by my choice to not share that with them. That is their dad. I will not say bad things about him to make me feel better. They are welcome to vent to me about him just as they should be able to vent to him about me. However, I will not join in and perpetuate the frustration for my personal gain. It doesn’t help them. I will support them and protect them and be their strength, but I will not talk bad about him to them. In sticking with my morals, I have found such a happiness, and the kids seem truly happy for me. And when I see them enjoying school, I am thrilled for them. Seeing them happy brings me so much joy.

This, this is what I have been craving my entire life. To have such amazing friendships. Everyone is so completely important to me and I am truly blessed to have them all in my life. I can only hope that I bring them even half the joy and strength that they give me. Because of them, I can live my life free from anxiety, free from fear of being hurt by an intimate relationship, without putting up walls. I can be my true self with anyone and I don’t have to give a flying fuck if someone doesn’t like it. I’m surrounded by people who love me and do like me, so others are free to walk away. People may come into my life that make me very happy. And I will not put up walls and I will let them into my life. And I can go into that without fear of getting hurt. Because I know if that happens, I’m surrounded by love, and my entire tribe will pick me up and I will be okay. Having friends is powerful. Probably one of the most powerful super powers. You don’t have to have a lot of friends. You just need to have the ones that will let you be unapologetically you.

Learn from Your Kids

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

The moment my son was born, July 4, 1998, my entire world changed. I chose to stay home with him and when my daughter was born, I continued to stay home. I adored being home with them. But at times it was an emotional roller coaster. The highs of hearing their first words and seeing their first steps, of my daughter sucking her thumb and twirling my hair, my son telling me he said a bad word so he went ahead and ate the soap already. But there were also lows. Not always having adult conversation could be lonely. The emotions you feel when your children are hurting can be heart wrenching. and those days when you fogot to even brush your teeth.

When my world changed and my family unit was shattered, my first thought was, “How am I going to get the kids through this?” I tried to do everything I possibly could to help them, but realized I was not taking care of me. So I turned to taking care of me, maybe a little too much. I would go out drinking and I would pretend I was okay. When the kids started staying with their dad, at his girlfriend’s house, I struggled with the fact that the kids had a new life that was separate from me. That was devastating! But the kids had to see that I was okay with this. So when I was at the house by myself, I was usually going out and drinking and being very angry. I was staying out late and then going to work early. I was wearing myself out. On top of that, I was studying to take the realtor’s exam. So, on the days when the kids were home, I tried to be uplifting and positive, however, I was tired and my emotions would get the best of me.

I started to feel like my kids didn’t want to be around me. I was so hurt. They were never mean or hurtful to me, but I just didn’t feel like they liked me very much. The identity I had of being their mom from the dys they were born had to be readjusted to something different. because I ent from being their married mom to being their single mom. Those two moms are very different people.

When I got separated, I promised the kids I would never say anything bad to them about their dad and I would NEVER ask them to not tell their dad something. I never wanted to put them in a position to feel they had to choose. I have kept that promise and will continue to do so. I tried to be excited for the kids when they would tell me about their new family. At first, it crushed me to hear it. But soon, it became normal. And not long after the normalcy set in, I learned to be grateful that my kids had additional people in their lives to provide them with support.

An interesting thing happened when I stopped being angry and accepted the new way of life. I was no longer trying to constantly numb the pain. I made new friends and built new relationships. I started to find happiness. When I was happy, my kids wanted to be around me. My time with them is even less now, however, the quality is second to none. The kids no longer have to worry bout me. They can act their age. And I can provide them with the support they need. My kids have taught me that I am so strong. I can get through anything. I am brave. I have conquered the unknown and thrived. They have taught me that my happiness directly effects our relationship. And they have also taught me that I am a damn good mom. I have made mistakes, but at the end of the day, my kids will never question whether or not I love them and they know I will support them.

So, as a mom, I want to be the one to teach my kids everything. But sometimes I have to remember to step back and listen to the actions of my kids and learn from them. They have a whole lot to teach me.

Let’s Start at the Beginning

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

It’s really hard to decide where the beginning really is. I separated from my ex-husband 3 1/2 years ago. Our divorce was finalized 2 years ago. This August, my youngest joined her brother at Penn State University. They took my dog with them, as my daughter has Lyme and is using him as an emotional support dog. I can’t lie, I was looking forward to having my dog with me so I wasn’t alone in my home. So, what did I do? I rescued a dog. Marshall. He’s pretty amazing!!!

In the last few years, I’ve worked really hard to create a better relationship with my kids. I’ve gone through the dating world (it’s entertaining, but almost more stressful than it’s worth). I underwent 2 surgeries last year. I had back surgery, and I also had half my colon removed. Yep, I now have a semicolon. I just got out of a year long relationship. I thought I loved him, but turns out, I think I was way more in love with having someone. The moment he got drunk and started putting me down, I was out the door. I know I deserve better than that, and won’t stand to be treated that way.

One of the best things I did after my divorce…I joined a local Facebook group for women who are separated and divorced. When I got separated, I realized I did not have friends that were mine. They were all mine with my ex-husband. And, since they were all football friends, and the ex was one of the high school football coaches, the loyalty went to him so their kids’ could get playing time. So, back to the drawing board with friends. So, my new friends are amazing. We are all in similar places in life and can be completely ourselves with each other. I love these ladies. When I’m down, they are there. When I am excited about something, they are there. We come from all walks of life, but it works for us all.

So, that’s pretty much the cliffnotes of my last 3 years. The dating adventures have been fun, and I’m getting ready to get back in the saddle again. I’m looking forward to sharing lessons I’ve learned along the way, as long as some fun and entertaining experiences in my life. I’m sure not all things will be fun, because, after all, it’s life. And life has a way of throwing crazy curveballs at us.