Tag: Lifestyle

Bridging the Gap…Healthy Communication in a Country Divided.

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Let’s face it.  2020 has been a year like no other we have experienced.  Pandemics, a country’s economy brought to a standtill for quarantine, murder hornets, cicadas, racism and the worst political divide I have seen in my lifetime.  The unrest can make people angry, sad, afraid and hopeless.  I have been angry.  I have posted angry things.  All things I have believed, but angry.  We all have a right to be angry.  We all have our own beliefs and our own morals and we cling to them.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Until we find ourselves so closed off that we cannot grow.  I never used to look at my friends and think, liberal or conservative.  I have never been one to talk political.  But I will speak my mind about things I believe in.  I have found, more and more, that it causes a divide in friendships and relationships.  Heck, when I was on the dating sites people say, don’t swipe right if you associate with one political party or another.  What ever happened to decent, healthy conversation?

After my last relationship, I swore up and down I could never have a boyfriend that is conservative.  But here is what I have learned in the last year or so.  I have some amazing conservative friends with whom I can have very healthy conversations.  We can disagree on things, yet be respectful and actually hear each other.  We can also come together to find common ground where we stand together.  I enjoy hearing the other side of things, where I can take information in.  I can question without anger.  I can get honest and kind answers.  I may not change my thinking, but I can soak in the information I have received.  I can do the research.  I may come back with other research, and hope that person can soak that information in too.  Often, I may come back an say, “wow, you make some great points.  That is definitely food for thought.”  But I might also come back with information about my lived experiences, especially in conversation about social justice.  While I may not have experienced social injustice, I have certainly witnessed it through years of work. 

My boyfriend (yep, he is conservative) and I have talked quite a bit these last couple of weeks about what’s going on.  What’s amazing is, I don’t feel like I can’t speak my mind.  We have total respect for the other’s viewpoints.  He shares his military experience, I share my social work experience.  We have very different perspectives.  And we do hear each other.  While I consider myself liberal, I do not find that I consider my agenda a liberal agenda.  I alway try to follow my path and look at humans as individuals who deserve to be treated with fairness and respect.  I think my boyfriend feels the same about that, and that is why we can have these conversations. 

I have also had people that post terrible things on both sides.  “Conservatives are racist.”  “Liberals are idiot.”  These are on the kinder side of what people are saying.   I will admit, I do shut down when I hear these things.  When people are close minded and refuse to hear anything, I have to be honest, I dig my heels in and don’t want to hear what they have to say.  This shuts off healthy communication. I have no desire to be around people like that. They are part of the problem.

What is the saying? “United we stand, divide we fall.” Just look at our country, the United States of America. We are hardly a united country. That does not mean we have to agree on everything. But it does mean we have to work together. Right now there are some pretty powerful people (politically and economically, on both sides) that are benefitting from the country being divided. Don’t let them do that. Open your ears. Open your hearts. Understand that just because someone has different beliefs than you, different morals, if does not make that person bad. It makes them different. Don’t just listen to the media. Listen to what every day people have to say. Listen to lived experiences. That is a life changer. Let us work together to make this country a better place for everyone here. Let us work together, through healthy conversations, through healthy disagreements, to make this country a place of peace and unity. That starts with you and me.

Open-Minded, Non-Judgmental, Hilarious, Sex-Positive

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Let’s have a chat about sex. It’s not a bad word. It’s not evil. It’s a part of life and I believe we should be open-minded about what is around us. It may not be your thing, but it’s someone else’s thing and who are we to judge. After all, there are more important things to look at in a person than their preferences in bed or their orientation or how they identify…like, how do they treat people.

I have been very open about the life I live. My family knows, my friends know, my kids don’t want to know, but, since they are adults, if they ever asked, I would be open with them. I used to be very afraid to share with others. What would people think? But I have reached a point in my life where I am all out of fucks to give.

I was outed at my weekend job by an ex. We had all made jokes about things, but that was all they were….jokes. But then he showed them pictures of a party we went to. It was pictures with the BDSM implements on the walls and he talked about what I was into. I was hurt and embarrassed and tried to use humor to let it go. The thing is, I wasn’t the only one with kinks in that relationship. I promised I wouldn’t share his secrets with our co-workers and I have not. While my co-workers joked with me about it, they never treated me any different, I was angry. That was never his to share. It was a huge breach of trust.

Then, I shared with my girlfriends. Let me tell you…they were amazing!!!! We had some fantastic laughs, but they never once made me feel judged. While I don’t shout from the rooftops that I am kinky (I only shout it from my blog, LOL), I am very open about it. I love that my friends and family that know can ask me anything, and they do. My family is very open about asking me questions also. You see, whether you are mortified by what my lifestyle is, or you think I am a slut, you are most likely a little bit curious about it. I will never say I am an expert on anything. But I am always happy to answer questions. There is so much misunderstanding with this lifestyle. There should be no place to judge unless you know.

I choose to remain sex-positive and to have a great sense of humor about it. I love when my girlfriends send me a dating profile and ask me to translate. The last profile was a Daddy Dom and Bull who was looking for a submissive or brat. My girlfriend sent, “Hey, not interested, but what does this all mean?” I have been asked what it is that draws me to pain. Is it safe? What is a sex dungeon like? Do I really call someone Sir? What the heck is a munch?

I would love to open up healthy conversation about anything you are curious about. I am not looking to convert anyone. I would just love people to have a better understanding. You see, this lifestyle is not evil, nor should it be looked down on. It is a lifestyle that preaches consent. That is filled with exit plans if something goes awry. It’s an inclusive lifestyle (gay, straight, bi, trans, furry, horsey, cuckhold)…all are welcome and accepted. I won’t lie and say there aren’t assholes in the lifestyle. I mean, it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Nothing is perfect.

Ask questions. I will answer anything. I will probably throw in some jokes. I have a very crude sense of humor. But I find that laughter can make even the most uncomfortable of conversations more comfortable. Post a message here on the blog or feel free to send me an IM on Facebook if you are reading this from my Facebook post.

Living in the Moment

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Call me unorganized. Call me a hot mess. Call me whatever you want. I don’t like to plan my life in advance. Of course, I have goals and I plan ahead for things that should be planned ahead. But I don’t make lists (or if I do, I don’t look at them anyway). I pack for trips the day I leave. The idea of an impromptu road trip is so completely exciting to me. But it’s also important to have goals. I have them. But I don’t necessarily have an outline to follow on how to get there. I’ve learned that if I have step-by-step instructions, I typically veer from them and am so disappointed in myself.

I have learned that outlines tend to be a straight line to a goal. They’re neatly laid out. That’s just not me. Remember the spirographs we used to use when we were kids? That’s sort of how I get to the end of something. I will go in circles and seem like I am getting nowhere. But I will meet my goal and have some amazing experiences along the way. For example: hiking…I love it and would love to do it more. I would love to do weekend section hikes on the Appalachian Trail. Seems easy enough. Get the gear and just do it. Well, not so easy. I don’t have the money for the gear. I don’t really have anyone that has the ability and/or interest in doing a section hike right now. And I don’t want to do it by myself. But, I will go around in circles getting there. Start with shorter hikes. Go camping. Really, just anything outside.

Being happy in life. What a huge goal. And not always easy to achieve. Defintely not a straight line. You know, throw in a failed married, some failed relationships, work hardships, heartbreak, money issues and you definitely don’t have a direct route to that goal. It can be frustrating, but when you stop to think about it, those curly paths are how we grow. How we strengthen ourselves to face other challenges. How we learn to be humble. Without the twists and turns, I would have missed out on so many things that are contributing to my happiness. A failed marriage led me back to a better relationship with my family. heartbreak of lost friendships led me to my tribe. Lack of money led me to enjoying and appreciating the simple things in life.

So, a straight line doesn’t necessarily lead to the happiness that is your goal. If I followed a straight line, I would still be married. And quite frankly, I wouldn’t be happy. So, why plan. I try to learn from each experience I have. I don’t want to look too far ahead. And I won’t be too hard on myself when I don’t follow the path that makes the most sense. I will enjoy the adventure I am living. I will live in the moment, even if it means going in a circles like a spirograph. After all, when you look at the final product of the spirograph designs, they are pretty beautiful. When I look back at the life I have led so far, even with the stuff that hurt like crazy, it has been a beautiful life. And it gets more beautiful each day.

What Do We Lose Throughout the Years

~ Diana Prince ~ 2 Comments

The other night, I was relaxing and watching TV. It’s gotten to be a pretty common evening practice for me. Sometimes I’ll color. Sometimes I will knit (I have been working on a baby blanket for 1 1/2 years). But it’s not often I do anything different…well, other than bills (insert eye roll). The only time I deviate from that is when there’s an awesome thunderstorm and I curl up with a book and listen to the storm roll by. I think I have written about that. But, why wait for a storm. Why do I wait for storms to get back to things I love?

You see, it’s not just reading. I wait for snow storms to pull out a good jigsaw puzzle. I haven’t worked on my photo albums in years, but when I did it, I would usually wait for a rainy day to work on pages of family memories. Sometimes I get so caught up in going out with my friends and family that I forget to stop and enjoy my hobbies. And I can’t help but wonder who else feels the same way. What did you used to love doing that you just haven’t made time for? I have skeins and skeins of yarn in my basement just waiting to be turned into something beautiful. I must have at least 5000 sheets of scrapbooking paper and stickers and die cuts to much the thousands of pictures waiting for me to tell their story. Scrapbooking was a tough one. I stopped working on albums when I got separated. I was working on the most amazing family vacation, spanning the entire length of Rt. 66 (from Chicago to Santa Monica Pier). I couldn’t bear to look at the pictures. It was too painful. But now, well I recognize how awesome that trip was and am hoping to complete it one day. What a keepsake for the kids.

I hardly read anymore. I love books…real books. And I love to curl up with a good book. I tend to doze as I read, but it’s so relaxing.

Why? Why, when I decided to get back to the old me, did I give up things the old me loved? I know time is a factor. But it’s important to not give up things either. Especially when I find myself sometimes wishing I could sit down and throw a scrapbook page together.

But could the solution be do the old things you love with the old and new people in your lives? My mom loves jigsaw puzzles. I think I see some jigsaw nights in our future. I have a girlfriend that used to love to scrapbook too. Why not encourage each other to work on some albums or fun paper crafts. You know who you are. And I think most of the people in my life love to read…and they love wine. Doesn’t that mean book club? We can scramble to read the book, get together, not talk about the book, and drink wine. So you see, I don’t need to wait for a storm to come along to realize what is good in my life and what I should keep in it. I choose to keep all that amazingness in my life through the sunny days too.

I’m curious to hear from my readers. Leave a comment about what you miss doing that you used to love. How can you bring it back?

Down, Lazy or Self-Care

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

It’s so funny how we respond to rainy days. Especially weekend rainy days. For me, I look forward to it. And when they fall on a Sunday, I make all kinds of plans to work on things around the house. I typically work six days a week. So Sunday’s, when it’s beautiful out, I love to get the dog and spend the day outside, if I can. I find the rain has a way of slowing me down. I look forward to staying in. I have grandiose plans of going to sleep, at the end of the day, with my house completely spotless, laundry all done, and a freezer full of prepared meals.

So, what does this rainy Sunday look like for me?

It’s 2 pm and I am still in jammies, cuddled with the dog. Notice the laundry basket in the background. I’ve folded one load, but defintely moving slow. My floor has pieces of Marshall’s rope toy all over it, and I haven’t made my way to the grocery store to get food for the week (so much for those prepared meals). I’ve barely gotten anything done.

So here is what I struggle with. I have been pretty tired today. I have been busy all week, between work and being with friends. I’ve had some late nights. So, when I sit down and relax, am I being lazy, or is this wonderful self-care? The longer the day goes on, the more down I let myself get frustrated, because I have done almost nothing I had planned to do. I have been kicking myself most of the morning for not wanting to get off the couch. For wanting to binge watch shows that I have fallen way behind on, for wanting to snuggle with the dog and watch football. It got me thinking. Why am I so angry with myself?

The truth is, I am terrible at self care. I am awesome about reminding others to take care of themselves. That it’s okay to be a little selfish and take time for themselves. But, when it’s time for me to do just that, I can’t…or maybe it’s just that I won’t. Why can’t I take some time for myself and enjoy it? Why do I feel like I can’t just relax and do something I enjoy without feeling guilty for not doing things around the house? Is it because I feel lazy for just wanting a day to relax?

As guilty as I feel, I know I’m not lazy. I also know I’m not feeling down. I’m feeling guilty because I have chosen to take some time to take care of myself and take a much needed break from a busy week. I have no issue relaxing if someone is here with me. But what is keeping me from relaxing when I have time to myself? I look forward to time to myself. I can watch what I want, I can do crafts if I want, I can nap if I want. It’s something I have to learn to do for myself.

What I need to learn is how to balance all this. I still have to get things done around the house, but surely, I can also take some time for myself and not feel guilty. I’m always open to suggestions. Tell my how you pratice self-care. And how do you balance being productive at home and self care?

I look forward to hearing your responses.

Meet the Real Me

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

Yes, my story is real, and the strength I have gained from my experiences in life is very real. But, my story…my trauma, my anxiety…they don’t define me. I DON’T HAVE anxiety, I live my life despite it. I am NOT a victim, I have survived through trauma. There is a huge difference, and for a long time, I let both define me. What I learned is that you get stuck in those definitions and it becomes who you are. It was incredibly freeing when I learned that I didn’t have to be defined by these labels.

Growing up I was a bit of a trouble maker. Just ask my parents or my sister, especially my dad. Boy did I know how to push his buttons. I was a happy kid. I had friends in the neighborhood. We were usually bouncing from playground to playground. I loved spinning on the tire swing, at the playground behind our house, and looking up at the sky as we spun really fast. And the regular swings. Remember trying to swing so high you went all the way around the top bar? We tried, but never succeeded. I used to ride my bike down big hills with my hands to the side, feeling the wind rip through my hair. And I would steal kitchen spoons so I could dig to China in the backyard. I never quite made it. I would have always preferred bare feet to my tennis shoes. But my parents always caught me. And dancing, oh how I loved to dance. I enjoyed the feel of the bass as it ran through my body.

My sister and I would build blanket forts. They were always amazing. We would build forts with separate rooms in them. We used so many blankets. But the minute my sister made me mad, I would yank that fort down. When we went to the local elementary school to play tennis, I would pound my racket on the ground if I wasn’t winning. In elementary school, my friends and I would walk to school. But we usually walked the way our parents told us not to. In school, there were many times I was removed from the classroom because I was causing trouble.

On the weekends, my friends and I would watch scary movies. My hands would be in front of my face and I would be plugging my ears at the same time. But we loved scary movies. I was me and I never apologized for that. I always wanted to be outside and, in the summers, I would stay out as late as I could, until my mom put the front lights on. I was a free spirit. It had a way of getting me in trouble. I didn’t like rules. But, when I look back, I really like who I was.

I let my fear of what others thought of me get in the way for a very long time. I let my anxiety define me. I let myself play the role of the victim and expected others to nurture me and take care of me. I thought that was who I was. I let my experiences define me. I stopped watching horror films because they increased my anxiety. I stopped trying to dig to China and I stopped trying to make that swing flip over the bar. And…I stopped dancing. Oh how I missed dancing.

When I started living on my own, I realized, who the hell cares what others think of me. I liked the kid I was growing up. Maybe not everything was perfect about her, but she was actually pretty awesome, and she was a force to be reckoned with. I started taking yoga. While I was no longer trying to flip that swing over the bar, I was doing some incredible poses that I thought I would be way too old to do. And, I got to be barefoot while doing it. Growing up, I knew exactly how to push people’s buttons. I believe some of that was because I could read people pretty well. I do not try to push buttons anymore. Instead, I use my ability to read people to support them and put a smile on their faces. I don’t try to dig to China, but I feel very excited about my new love for travel and hope I get to take a ton of trips. I enjoy watching scary movies again (just not by myself). And dancing…I love to dance again. I go out and dance, I stay home and dance, I cook dinner and I dance. I am the person that I am and I make absolutely no apologies. If I offend someone, it’s okay. They don’t have to like me. But I won’t apologize.

This is the real me. Not my trauma, not my anxiety. I returned to the person I used to be, only, more grown up. I like who I am now. I am more than happy to share my story with others, but I realized it was important for you all to know who I really am. I do understand that a lot of my strength comes from my experiences and I don’t discount them. I live with anxiety and I am a survivor, but really, I am so much more than that.

New Friends,Old Friends, Girl Friends, Boy Friends

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

I have learned that being in love doesn’t necessarily make us stronger, or even happier, but having love does. I don’t mean the kind you have from a significant other. I am talking about the love you have from true friendships. The kind that last a lifetime. The kind of friends that include family or feel like family. I didn’t realize I had some of these friends until a few years ago. Friends I grew up with that I still connect with. Friends I may not see or talk to every day, for whom I would drop everything for if they were in need. And they would do the same for me.

I recently had dinner with one of my best friends we have been together since she was born, three days after me. we see each other two or three times a year. and, get this, we live three or four miles away from each other. The truth is, life can get in the way. At dinner, she aplogized for being out of touch. My first thought was, “no need to apologize because I am just as guilty.” We are at different places in life. She is married and has kids at home. I am single and live alone. But that does not make me value our friendship any less. We do less things together, but the love has not changed. And when asked about my best friends growing up, her name always comes up. And my response following that is, “and she is till one of my very best friends.” She is one of those friends that when we get together, we pick right up where we left off. I have a few friends like that, whom I can pick right up with.

I just went camping with another of those friends. We went camping together last weekend. Not glamping, not with an air matress or portable gourmet kitchen. But good old fashioned camping. Sleeping on the ground, cooking on the fire, peeing in the woods and no shower. Yeah, didn’t shower for a day and a half. We played games by the fire, we saw a bear near the campsite, and we fought off yellow jackets. But the weekend was fun anyway. Well, except that I shared my sleeping bag with my 68 pound dog. I think I need to invest in a double sleeping bag so I can share with Marshall. It was amazing to spend the weekend with a friend that I talk to on almost a daily basis, but hardly get to see. We talked about our kids and life. He is one of those friends I have known since high school, but didn’t realize how important he would be in my life until a few years ago. We have seen each other through some tough break ups, tough times raising kids, and exciting times raising kids. We have cried a lot together. I am so grateful that we were able to really reconnect and grow such an amazing friendship.

I have written about my tribe before, but I have been truly blessed to have them in my life. These women came into my life in the last year or two and it’s as if they were always there. When FaceBook pops up and says, “It’s your Friendiversary” I am surprised when it says 1 year, or 2 years. How is that possible? I can’t picture my life withouth these women. There are very few days when we don’t talk. These are the women I turn to when something happens with dating, being a divorced mom or dealing with an ex. I turn to them for so much more, however, they are the ones that completely understand the trials and tribulations of being divorced and single again. We straighten each others’ crowns and speak the truth, even if it hurts sometimes. We do game nights and girls’ weekends. An impromptu text to have a quick lunch during the work day. People always say that the challenges in life are not a sprint, they are like running a marathon. You have to go slow and steady to maintain strength for the full run. These women, they help me sustain my strength. They give me strength. I hope I return that for them. When one of us needs strength, those of us that have it, give it willingly.

I cannot write about friends and people that give you strength without writing about my family. There is absolutely no way I would have gotten through all the things in my life without family. I am, without a doubt, loved beyond belief. I may not always deserve it, I may take it for granted, but I know it’s there and I do know just how blessed I am. My parents have helped me through a divorce, buying a new home, totalling a car, getting a new job, helping me with my dogs and thousands of little things around the house that add up to tons and tons of love. And let’s not forget two surgeries. My mom slept on a little chair after my last surgery so I wasn’t home alone. She helped me shower and had to help me take care of my incisions. Not a pretty job at all. While I may not always show how appreciative I am, I do know exactly how much they do for me and there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for them and that I don’t think about how much I love them. And my sister…She has no clue how strong she is. She has been this incredible rock for her family. At the same time as she was being so strong for her family at home, she was helping me through a divorce. She would come to my house late at night and soothe me as I cried myself to sleep. She and I have gone through very different challenges in our lives. I don’t pretend to understand what she has gone through. But I have seen how she has handled it. The grace with which she has handled it all. She has not been through the same challenges as me. But what she offers me is a listening ear. Not suggestions, not a knowledge of what I feel, but someone who accepts me for my challenges and supports me and just hears me. She is too humble to even see the impact she has had on so many lives. Girl, I know you’re reading this. The strength I have found, the strength your family has, it’s you.

I can’t talk about family without talking about my kiddos. So here’s the thing, when I realized divorce was the only option, I knew I wasn’t the only one that would go through it. My kids were going to have to go through it too. Their challenges were going to be very different from mine. I also knew I wouldn’t understand what they were going through. My parents are still together. What I did know, was that they were not going to be burdened with the challenges I faced from the divorce. I was not going to burden them with having to take sides. They should be able to love both me and their dad equally, without having to feel guilty or like they are hurting us. I never wanted them to feel as though they would need to be my rock through this difficult time. I needed to be their mom and love them and get them through their challenges. The kids didn’t talk much about the divorce. I didn’t force it and I tried to always make it clear that I was there for them no matter what. It took me a long time to really be able to look at my relationship with them and appreciate what I have. You see, teenagers are tough. Whether they are part of an intact family, a blended family, or with single parents, they present challenges because they are going through their own challenges, that they are not quite mature enough to handle all the time. I had to learn to not take everything personally. Now, I can gain strength from them too, and they don’t even realize it. When I get a first day of classes picture it melts my heart that they thought of me. When I get a surprise that one of them is home and wants to spend time with me. When they ask me to come to a college game to get that experience, I feel like a million bucks. The phone calls and text exchanges I have with my kids are becoming something I look forward to. I used to walk on eggshells being afraid to say the wrong thing. Now, I can let most things roll right off and not take it personally. I will say, my kids expressed to me a little over a year ago, that they wished I had opened up more to them about the divorce. I don’t know if it is because there dad was very open with them about his feelings, that they needed my “side” to balance it out so they didn’t feel pulled in one direction. I have stood by my choice to not share that with them. That is their dad. I will not say bad things about him to make me feel better. They are welcome to vent to me about him just as they should be able to vent to him about me. However, I will not join in and perpetuate the frustration for my personal gain. It doesn’t help them. I will support them and protect them and be their strength, but I will not talk bad about him to them. In sticking with my morals, I have found such a happiness, and the kids seem truly happy for me. And when I see them enjoying school, I am thrilled for them. Seeing them happy brings me so much joy.

This, this is what I have been craving my entire life. To have such amazing friendships. Everyone is so completely important to me and I am truly blessed to have them all in my life. I can only hope that I bring them even half the joy and strength that they give me. Because of them, I can live my life free from anxiety, free from fear of being hurt by an intimate relationship, without putting up walls. I can be my true self with anyone and I don’t have to give a flying fuck if someone doesn’t like it. I’m surrounded by people who love me and do like me, so others are free to walk away. People may come into my life that make me very happy. And I will not put up walls and I will let them into my life. And I can go into that without fear of getting hurt. Because I know if that happens, I’m surrounded by love, and my entire tribe will pick me up and I will be okay. Having friends is powerful. Probably one of the most powerful super powers. You don’t have to have a lot of friends. You just need to have the ones that will let you be unapologetically you.

Self Care…What the heck is that???

~ Diana Prince ~ 2 Comments

I have gone through a divorce and survived. I have worked three jobs at the same time for seven days a week and survived. I have raised two teenagers and survived. I have flown over the ocean (a fear I used to have) and survived. I have done the online dating and survived. I have bought my own home, lost friends, found some amazing friends and I have transitioned to a new job. All of this, I have survived. At this point, I feel like a picture of Linda Carter should be inserted.

I can do all these things, but what I have the most difficult time with is self care. And I don’t just mean going out and doing the things I want to do. I get out with family and friends plenty. I struggle to get my health under control. After a doctor’s appoiment this week I realized, I am just not taking care of myself. When I am home alone I don’t cook for myself. I don’t even sit down to eat. I can’t stand sitting at my kitchen table eating alone. That’s supposed to be a family place. I sit there when the kids are home. My little, cluttered kitchen table feels so big and empty when I eat there alone. So, I usually make something quick and easy. Maybe a bowl of cereal. But then I get hungry and snack.

Anyway, after my trip to the doctor and many times going and seeing how high my A1C is and my triglycerides, I realized, what am I waiting for? Why can I not be disciplined enough to eat healthy and get myself to the gym or out for a walk. Would I like to lose some weight…absolutely! But, honestly, I’m comfortable in my own skin. But what I do want, is to be healthy. I would like to bring all my numbers down (well, except my good cholesterol, that’s the only one that’s low – too low) and hopefully make a huge lifestyle change that I am happy with.

What am I doing to change? Right now, I am cutting milk. Ugh! I love milk. I think I could drink a gallon a day. When I’m thirsty, I don’t go for water, I want milk. Not good. So, it’s been removed from the house. I can’t even resist it. Grains, gone! No more bread, rice, or pasta. From now on, it’s cauliflower rice and lettuce for bread. I can live with that. Aside from the milk, I am missing crunch. Chips. I don’t eat them often, but they are great to get that crunchy craving gone. Thank goodness I have zucchini in my garden. Homemade zucchini chips are amazing. I have been doing this since early this week, after my appointment. I have to say, I feel better. I don’t feel bloated. When I check my sugars, they are getting lower. Still not good, but I know it won’t happen overnight.

Now to introduce exercise. I have some classes at my gym that I love. I go occasionally, but I am the best at making up excuses to not go. They are all good excuses, but they certainly are not good enough to compromise my health. So this week, I am going to try to go to 3 classes. I will add them to my calendar so I cannot fill the time in with anything else.

Doing this alone, can be tough. But I find having a group of people to whom I can be accountable is amazing. People who may go to classes with me at the gym. I go to Ida Lee. I would love to meet people there. It’s always more fun to go to a class and know people, and to know people will miss you if you aren’t there. I really enjoy Pound and Zumba. However, there’s a Bang class that looks amazing! I would love to check that out also. And Yoga. I miss yoga so much. I used to do a fun Flow Yoga class at my old gym and miss it very much. It might have been the massages you get after. I am not near as flexible as I used to be, but that will come with time. I can remember my first yoga class ever, I could barely do anything. I even had to modify child’s pose. I will get back to it. Anyway, if anyone is interested in taking a journey with me, let me know. I would love to have company with this. After all, look at what I have survived already. If I cannot get my health self care under control, I just won’t survive.

Gerlinda Kaltenbrunner meets Nelly Bly meets Olive Byrne meets Lee Holloway

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

**This post is a discussion of sex and intimacy. Dad, read at your own risk.

From the time I was young I thought about sex, a lot. I was introduced to the idea at a very early age. Something I have come to terms with and have learned it’s not something for which I need to forgive myself. I did not ask to be introduced to it. I was just told not to tell or I would be in a lot of trouble. It was a skeleton in my closet for a long time.

Jump ahead many years. I was in a monogomous relationship for over 24 years, starting in high school. I never had the experience of dating in college. I didn’t live the life of Carrie Bradshaw. And for 24 years, I had fantasies that I was afraid to share and someone who had no idea what I needed. I didn’t know what I needed.

When I entered the dating world again I knew I didn’t want one night stands. That’s just not me. But, was I ready for a full blown relationship or was I missing the physical touch? Getting onto the dating sites was quite interesting. Most men want to know what you are into from the very beginning. Ummmmm, I have no clue. For 24 years my ex asked me the same question. I thought there was something wrong with me that he didn’t know. Did I not communicate well enough. Did I just lie there so he couldn’t read my body language? I just didn’t know. And I was afraid to put myself out there because what if I was a horrible lover.

Sort of tangent. What’s with the names in today’s title. Google them. All but the last are explorers. The third woman was Professor William Marsten’s inspiration for Wonder Woman (and her experiences are very similar to mine). The last, when you google her, well, it will give away a bit about me. If you’re faint of heart, stop here. Or, follow me on the adventures and explorations of my most intimate life. Judge me if you will. I am okay with it because I am okay with who I am. I have gone through a lot of manure to turn into this amazing, beautiful sunflower.

I dated a couple of men about a year after my separation. We were intimate, but I just know something was missing. I have watched people divorce and meet someone and settle for a companion. That’s not me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was not waiting for Prince Charming and the castle.

One afternoon I was swiping left, left, left, left. And suddenly, a profile peaked my curiosity. Popping out in big letters was “not vanilla.” I’ve read 50 Shades. I know what he means, but could I? Would I? Wouldn’t this be taboo? Oh my goodness, how unsafe is this? It sounds like an adventure I want to know more about. So I messaged him. We met up for drinks and had a blast. He was kind, attentive and very respectful. He answered so many questions. He gave me websites to look information up. And when he walked me to my car, he asked for my consent and gave me the strongest kiss I had ever been given. When I walked away from that date, I realized what I had been missing. Control.

I had spent the last 17 years being mom, working and taking care of others, and basically, being in control. Yet, I also felt like had no control in those last 17 years. It was like chaos. I couldn’t control my outside environment; I could only control my reactions and responses to it. I was exhausted. I was trying to keep everything in control. I just needed to let go sometimes. Let someone else take the lead. I wasn’t looking for Prince Charming to take me to his castle. I wanted Sir Charming to take me to a dungeon.

I want to take a moment talk about the collision of two worlds in my life. I worked in a domestic violence shelter and feel very strongly about the need to not have Power and Control in relationships. But I wasn’t looking at handing over power and control. I was looking into a relationship with a Power Exchange. These are the terms used in a Dom/sub (D/s) relationship. It is exactly how it sounds. No one partner has power and control. There are discussions…healthy discussions, about limits. What scares you? What excites you? What are you curious about? I had never really had these conversations before. It was liberating. I was laying down the groundwork and putting limits anywhere I saw fit. I was in complete control. Yet, at the same time, I was handing control over to him. An even Power Exchange. To someone that has never done this, it may look scary and demeaning. Until you have been there, don’t judge. It’s not at all what you would think.

My first Dom didn’t stick around too long. And I knew he wouldn’t I was a rebound and I knew it was just a passing fling to figure out what I was looking for.

My second Dom introduced me to the public aspect of this lifestyle. Kink clubs!!!! What am I thinking?!?! How dangerous. I told my cousin I was headed to a club and she insisted I text her every 15-30 minutes. I was a wreck. I walked in and the host was amazing. The very first thing he did was talk with me about safety and showed me the rules, posted in huge letters, on the wall. This was a very huge, long wall. It was covered with rules. Of course there are etiquette rules. Don’t get too close to a scene. No photos or videos allowed (by the way, you never see phones out at these clubs). But in red letters, covering more than half the wall CONSENT CONSENT CONSENT. Absolutely no touching anyone else in the club without consent. Violations will have you removed and police may be called. Also, there are no private areas. You go to a club and it’s a huge open space. Any rooms have windows with people all around. Some people choose to “play” with a Dom they have never met. There are negotiations before the scene. Other people are around to hear the negotiations…the limits. If the Dom violates in anyway, the scene is over. The people in this community take consent very serious. They are amazing people. I felt safer at a sex club than I do going to a bar. So, my worlds did not collide after all. They paralleled.

Let me tell you something about body image. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. Going out to these clubs/parties, I realized I loved my body, rolls and all. This was the start of me learning to love myself again. And I was comfortable with setting rules for myself at these parties. In this world there are so many types of people. I have found many are polyamorous (I’ll let you look it up if you don’t know – or feel free to hit me up with questions). I’m not polyamorous. I identify as monogomous. I have a partner and that’s my only partner. I was not going to sacrifice that. No one in the clubs ever made me feel bad for turning them down for play. But, I can’t lie, it was flattering. Especially when they would continue to be kind and have amazing conversations with me, even after knowing I would not be with them.

I thought I would see what the D/s relationship was like to live 24/7. Nope. Not for me. That entails a lot more service on the subs part, and at that point you are going into more of what is called a Master/slave (M/s) relationship. It’s still completely consensual, however, there are aspects to a relationship like this, one of service, that I hated. If I like someone, I’m going to love cooking for them, getting a drink for them. But if someone tells me (not asks) to get them a drink, my first inclincation is to say, “Get your own damn drink.”

So, with this Dom I learned a lot about public events and I loved it. I also learned about M/s and really was not a fan. I prefer to have the Power Exchange at specific times. Other than that my doting should be appreciated and returned, not expected.

So that brings me to now. I have a pretty good thing that’s going for me. I met someone. He’s a little bit further away, so we don’t get to see each other but once a week. Our time is amazing. It’s still a little new, so we are still learning about each other. He has pushed soft limits (those are meant to possibly explore) and he has stayed away from hard limits. He is respectful. We have cooked for each other. And he has even helped my clean up. It’s a Power Exchange with a lot of communication and a lot of give and take on both sides. I have seen Doms humiliate their subs and be cruel to them. I am not into that scene. If that is what they both like, then that is awesome. I don’t judge. It’s just not my thing. Finding a Dom is a diffiicult process because you have to find someone you completely trust and who is okay with your limits and who will treat you the way you want to be treated. If my Sir (yep, I totally call him Sir, and I love it) does something that upsets me, I can talk with him about it. We can have an open conversation and figure out the next steps. He doesn’t make me feel like I have no worth. We, by no means, have a traditional relationship. That’s not what I want right now. But what we have works and we are there for each other when we have bad days, or weeks. And when he calls me Sweetness, I melt.

My journey is very different from most. But when you are figuring out what you want, whether it’s in the bedroom or out of life, take your blinders off. Pull out the lasso of truth and figure out what your truth is. What is it that will make you happy and love who you are. Open your minds and be who you are.

I have put myself out there today, not to talk about my sex life, but to encourage people to really be open about what they want. To communicate with their partners about what they want or need. These alternative relationships have truly taught me how to communicate my needs, because in this world, if you don’t, you could compromise your safety. But isn’t that true in all relationships? If you forget to communicate, you may be physically safe, but have you protected yourself emotionally?

Misery Loves Company, Happiness is Contagious

~ Diana Prince ~ Leave a comment

***I want to start by saying I do recognize that there are many people with mental health issues that cannot just simply change their thought process. Maybe this will be helpful and maybe not, but I am in no way minimizing your personal struggle. I’m simply sharing my journey for going through storms in my life.***

Yawn!!!!!! Did you just picture someone yawning? Do you feel like doing it now? Seriously, I am yawning now, as I am typing. If yawning is that contagious, just think about all the other energy we put out. It’s contagious too. And some people emit the energy much more than others.

When I used to work at the shelter, I always said, one person can change the entire atmosphere of the shelter. I had clients who were nice as can be, however, when I would walk out of my office and see that person, all the energy I had was sucked out of me. It’s wild how one interaction can do that. As an empath, I am able to really feel the emotions of others. Sometimes it is a gift. But I have also learned that my energy can be pretty strong too. If I’m down, the people around me will know it. If I surround myself with happiness, that will be very apparent also.

Have you ever noticed that when you sit around with friends and one starts talking negatively, most will follow suit. There may be jokes and laughing, but that underlying negativity is still there. Facebook is a great example. Someone posts something and someone argues. All the sudden, the conversation is about the negativity, not the post. People get sucked into drama. I don’t know a single person who truly enjoys having drama in their life. Yet, we surround ourselves with drama (tv shows, gossip, politics…).

I have learned that for me, it’s easy to be negative. That’s the easy way for me. And, if I am miserable, I typically find someone who will join me in my negativity. I mean seriously, if you aren’t happy, do you really want Happy Harriet coming up to you and saying, “Look on the bright side,” or “just think of the good that can come out of this.” Honestly, I would want to punch her in the face. But here’s the thing. If Happy Harriet can get past my negativity and keep being positive, that happiness will most likely start to rub off on me, and me negativity will soon turn into happiness. And, while it’s not as easy for me to let happiness take over, it feels better. So, I have tried to make a conscious effort to let happiness drive me.

In the last couple of years I have focused on keeping a smile on my face and trying to find humor in things that would normally bring me down. It has made such a huge difference in my life. I used to think I was a Negative Nancy…well, I was a Negative Nancy. But I also thought I was surrounded by negativity. It turns out I may have been bringing out the negative in the people around me.

As I started having a more positive outlook, my conversations became less and less negative. I began to laugh so much more. I forgot how good it was to lauch and let my dirty sense of humor out. I could feel weight just falling off my shoulders. And suddenly, the people around me were smiling and laughing too.

I used to say “fake it ’til you make it.” My kids hated that saying. I didn’t really believe it either, until I felt it. You can fake happiness until you find it. Happiness is so contagious, that it can put a real smile on your face. Now, I walk into a room with a smile on my face. Because, if I have a choice to bring people down or help them stand tall, I will always choose to help them stand tall.